Cosmetic procedures, better known by the more socially charged term “plastic surgery”, are not unknown to me. In fact, getting procedures done was something I looked forward to the most when embarking upon the aesthetic portion of my self-improvement.
In the social media day and age, we are used to seeing celebrities, influencers, and even our own wealthy aunties get now stereotypical beauty treatments: the pulled-too-tight facelifts, the filled-too-full lip fillers, the exaggerated rhinoplasties and the botched BBLs. To be clear, though this should be obvious already: I don’t find anything morally wrong with undergoing cosmetic procedures. The “plastic” look (I say this neutrally) may not be for me, but what someone else does with their own body is not my business and not my choice. If it makes them happy, let them have it all.
There is something to be said about surgeons that push procedures onto insecure patients, but that’s another conversation entirely.
I had a basic list of I wanted done from the start. One, the glasses had to go. Two, I wanted an actual jawline for once in my life. Three, and this one really got beneath my skin, perhaps because I was bullied for years over it during my youth, but the cyst on my face felt life ruining, unaesthetic, and most of all, unwelcome. I wanted to keep all procedures to the following criteria: looked timeless (no trendy procedures), looked natural, were permanent (until normal aging occurs), and had to have studies that proved a correlation between the effects of the procedure and an increase in perceived attractiveness or health.
LASIK
LASIK was the first thing I wanted done so I could kickstart my confidence and start looking the way I always envisioned sooner. I actually had come across an online Groupon ad for LASIK from one of the best surgeons on the west coast. This almost felt too good to be true. Groupon had issues with my bank account, so I called the eye center myself. They assured me they would still honor the discount (a financial relief if I ever felt one). I’ll be upfront with the cost: $3250USD. Both eyes. All appointments included. For me, this was an unexpected dream.
The LASIK procedure itself took under 15 minutes. I went home with some Xanax and the next day, when my drug-laden stupor had melted away in my sleep, I awoke with 20/20 vision. I remember this vividly because I had taped signs to the closet across my bed that read, in varying sizes, “Can you read me?”
Now, I want to touch on my personal aesthetic reasons for not wanting to wear glasses here. Studies show that not only do we perceive people with glasses differently (one example), but in my own mind’s “best self”, I was a Mitsy that did not wear glasses. In addition, my face is simply not well suited to glasses. I have a high hairline, wide set eyes, a small nose, and a small lower face. Glasses were dragging my face outwards and downwards and pulling my natural features out of proportion. And they were giving people a “quirky girl” and “quiet geek” impression of me no matter what else I wore or how I behaved.
Even the smallest frames were over halfway down my cheeks and often too wide for my head. This gave the appearance of a too broad, too high forehead, a weak nose, an almost recessed lower half of the face. I resorted to keeping my forehead covered with bangs while lamenting the rest. My frames covered my cheekbones entirely, which are actually quite high and defined! I found I could slightly remedy my facial skew with upwardly tilted cat eye frames. But the problems still existed. There is a reason I never wore my glasses for work! I knew I looked cute, but I didn’t feel like me.
My LASIK was performed in August of 2022, and my vision is still perfect. I have had none of the commonly purported side effects or issues. This was quite literally a clear cut surgery for me, and as someone who wore glasses since childhood, lifechanging.
Running total: $3250USD.
Submental Liposuction
This is one procedure I practically dreamed of my entire life! I find a defined jawline to be classically beautiful and elegant. I adore the accentuation of the neck, how it leads up to the pretty face and down to the pretty décolletage. No matter my weight (even underweight), I had a double chin, no jawline definition to speak of, and a less than optimal side profile. The extra weight under my chin also played a part in the aforementioned “dragging down” of my face.
My surgeon explained that if fat in this area doesn’t go away with weight loss, it is likely genetic. A loving glance at my family does indeed confirm this. He additionally explained that if you can pinch it, it’s likely removable fat. This is important due to what the layout may be of the underlying facial and jawline structures. This breakdown video from Dr. Gary Linkov is more helpful than I could be in explaining this.
I opted to do this procedure under local anesthesia for a variety of reasons, but chiefly because it’s cheaper. The total cost was $3800USD, which I found from research to be an average and adequate price. To the contemplative reader: I would highly suggest getting liposuction over CoolSculpting or Kybella. Again, refer to Dr. Linkov’s video. Liposuction is one and done, tried and true, and has been performed well for decades.
Furthermore, stay away from toxic forums and pseudoscience gurus that hawk “mewing” and “orthotropics”. This may help young and growing children with the help of custom dental appliances, but will not change an adult’s facial structure. Tongue posture, however, is still very important and relevant to one’s health, as chronic breathing from the mouth has been proven to be detrimental to facial development as well as head posture. Another thing to consider is whether or not the aesthetic issue is from an excess of fat or from a recessed chin and jaw. A surgeon can ascertain this easily.
The recovery period for this procedure is lengthy but well worth it. For reference, I felt quite normal after LASIK after just a few days to a few weeks. After submental liposuction, one is sent home wearing a silly head bandage for one to two weeks, and then looks the same as before! This is because despite the fat being physically removed, the body naturally swells in response. The injection of numbing fluid must drain on its own during recovery too. True results aren’t seen for at least a few months. For this reason, the sooner the better.
This may sound dramatic, but when my results from this procedure become apparent, combined with LASIK, strangers started treating me better. I am seemingly no longer invisible. I’ve been approached by men in public more times than I can remember. Women in general are friendlier and chattier towards me. Conversely, the sort of women that used to quickly warm up to me are now more easily intimidated. I am sure my own confidence stemming from the work done (see study on participants’ self-perception of their double chins) plays a role here, but we can’t deny the effects of what the internet analysts now call pretty privilege (see study on female jawlines and attractiveness).
Running total: $7050USD.
Facial Cyst Removal
Oh, a minor sized major bane of my existence.
Most kids struggle with temporary acne during puberty. My body, perhaps in refusal to be like everyone else, managed to create a blueberry sized cyst on the side of my face. The questions, insults, bullying! Do teenage woes ever end?
They didn’t end on time for me, because this developed at the tender age of 14, and I wasn’t able to have it removed until double my age later at 28. At this point, I had grown used to editing it out of photos and learning clever camera angles. But after undergoing LASIK and liposuction, I realized… it was finally time.
Facial symmetry is well studied in the area of perceived attractiveness, so I will link just one study for reference. This doesn’t need much explaining. I didn’t want one side of my face jutting out for another 14 years.
I reached out to my surgeon, the same one who performed my liposuction, and was quoted $1500 for removal. I did try to see a dermatologist first, which is almost impossible on my insurance anyways. I went to my PCP for a referral and called the singular place that would accept my insurance on my own. When I finally did reach the dermatology office’s receptionist (after a two hour wait), I was told “See a plastic surgeon” after mentioning the cyst was on my face. A week later, my insurance sent me a rudely written letter implicating my own vanity while telling me to pay for it myself.
Well, at least I tried!
Now, in the time since this procedure (November of 2023), I have learned cyst removals are tricky procedures that are prone to complications, especially on the face. I had a recent infectious mishap and now need to see my surgeon again in a month’s time, potentially for a scar revision. My ex-cyst area enjoys staying flamboyantly red instead of simply healing as its told. On the bright side? My face is symmetrical looking for the first time in my adult life. A flat red blemish on the skin will always look better to me than a bulging thing beneath the surface that did nothing except give rise to endless questions from curious and mean-hearted others alike.
Running total: $8550USD.
Others
1, 2, 3… Smile!
I wore braces during my teen years for a severely crooked smile. So severe in fact, the orthodontist gave me braces for free as an act of charity. If you have ever felt insecure about crooked teeth, please believe me, I have been there and mine were probably worse.
Despite this orthodontic miracle, I was still a petulant teenager and didn’t wear my retainer afterwards. While my teeth never reverted entirely, I needed some re-straightening done. I chose an at-home aligner system for this called Byte. It’s similar to Invisalign. I chose the overnight aligners because I know myself and knew I wouldn’t be disciplined enough to wear the recommended “all day” aligners. The exact cost for this is escaping my mind, but I believe was approximately $2500.
Study (of many) on smiles and perceived attractiveness.
Running total: $10,050.
As an avid coffee drinker, I have always been interested to try teeth whitening. I used Dr. Song Teeth Whitening Gel, which can be found on Amazon. It’s a product of the same strength as in-office whitening. I have found it to lift stains easily for a natural bright effect. I enjoy how convenient this is to do from home. This is quite inexpensive at just $10! Though I am sure using my Byte aligners helps the gel stay on my teeth and work magic more properly. One study on teeth whiteness can be read here.
Total cost: $10,060.
Concluding Thoughts
Did my procedures achieve what I wanted aesthetically? Yes. Did I gain more confidence? Yes. Did some friends judge me for getting procedures done? Also yes, which I did find a bit off-putting since I was so eager to share my newfound confidence and happiness.
“You looked fine with glasses”, “I never even noticed your double chin” were frequent remarks almost always spoken in offended tones. This is something I didn’t anticipate and had to learn to not overanalyze or take too personally. Sometimes its best to simply turn the other (cyst-free) cheek. I received similar comments after achieving my goal to lose my pandemic pounds, which happened during the same timeframe.
I did gain insight into how someone people can develop plastic surgery addiction even if they don’t have an underlying struggle with body dysmorphia. A hefty price is paid for procedures, and in turn, the surgeons and staff dote on the patient frequently, happily, and casually. The compliments are almost endless. I myself even received a goodie bag after LASIK. Plastic surgeons don’t behave like doctors– they behave more like good friends. There is a strong sense of thrill and excitement from everyone involved for the patient’s “new self”. A lonesome patient could easily desire more procedures just for the feeling of reassurance and joy that comes from their surgical team and office staff.
As of writing, I am more than happy with the results of my procedures. I am open about my procedures in my personal life and hope to decrease the stigma surrounding cosmetic procedures and plastic surgery. I don’t know what I will want ten, fifteen years down the line, if anything. What I do know is that I am a happier and more confident person today. For me, every phone call, consultation, incision, bruise, and even complication has been worth it.